Two hours ago, we dropped off our 5-year old at school. It’s her first day of Kindergarten, and she was so ready! But I’m not…
It’s not that I’m scared; it’s not that I’m overly emotional and crying or anything along those lines. I’m confident in her gifts and abilities. As a matter of fact, I know she’s more than prepared—educationally and socially for school. She was fortunate enough to attend her elementary school last year for Pre-K, which really got her acclimated with the system at “the big school.” It was such a blessing for us because it was completely free—just like regular school—and she wasn’t overwhelmed by the size of the building (or the other kids) today because she’s already taken ownership of it being “her school.” I loved her confidence this morning as she walked US to her classroom and waved us goodbye as if to say, “I’m fine guys. You can go now.” She even said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be thinking of you all day!”
You see what I mean?! This kid is special. She’s comforting us as if she’s the one in charge. And let’s face it, she is J but one thing I can say about Zee is that she doesn’t abuse this power. She’s such a sweetheart and always puts others before herself.
So why am I not ready for Kindergarten? Well, because I realize this is the start of the influence I have in her life having to compete with so many other voices. The years will only continue to go by just as fast as the past five years have, and I just wanted more time with her—just me and her. Not a teacher, not friends, not crazy classmates with no home-training; not people who have no problem putting you down and exerting their negative energy in your direction. Will she remember all the things I tell her about not letting people talk to her any kind of way? Will she speak up for herself if someone is cruel? What if it’s an adult? What if, like me, she’s unsure about her right to correct an adult who isn’t kind to her? (Yes, I teach her she has this right! There’s a way to be respectful but for a child to let an adult know that won’t accept being mistreated by them).
After all these years, I still remember going to Kindergarten and being treated poorly by adults around me. I remember being told to “shut-up”; I remember being handled aggressively; I remember being made to feel worthless. But I was too timid to speak up (now you see why I’m so outspoken in my adulthood?) and too afraid to tell my mom because I thought she would kill somebody and I didn’t want to lose her. I don’t want my daughter to feel that. I don’t want her confidence diminished by adults who look at her as just another kid in the school they have to “deal with” all day long.
But that’s where I have to trust that I’ve done my part and will continue to do my part as a parent. And even where I fail—God is there to pick up the slack. According to Zee, Daddy and I are perfect! (Little does she know lol) but all she sees is that we provide her with everything she needs—love and security being top priorities (amongst other things). Yet, she doesn’t realize at the end of each day—we’re questioning every decision we make. We wonder whether or not we’re on the right track; we struggle with feelings of inadequacy and hate this system we live in where at least half of our time is spent away from our children, who are the most important things in our lives.
I’ve pondered the idea of homeschooling my children—because I don’t trust just anybody with my kids and truly feel as though no one can do a better job at teaching them as I can. Unfortunately, I’m just not in a position to do that right now; then, of course, we want her to have that social aspect included in her education experience where she’s around kids from various backgrounds and cultures; we’re big on that, and we see her valuing it as well which is so rewarding.
I even toyed with the idea of private school. But I wasn’t won over by any of the private schools in my area. And we have some great private schools in our county/city! But you have to know yourself and your child well enough to know what would be the right fit. So it works for some people…but as of right now—I can’t see paying for private school when the benefits aren’t any better than the public school education we’re getting. The main private school I looked in to is at the church I grew up in—but I have watched the fruit produced from that system and just haven’t been swayed to think that’s where my child should be.
Besides, from what I saw growing up—those kids didn’t turn our any better than those of us in public school (no offense). At the end of the day, what it comes down to is your home-life and the parents’ involvement in their child’s life, which is my top priority. I went to public school all my life and it seemed that my foundation was much stronger than the kids I went to church with who also went to the church’s private school. Sometimes where people miss it is thinking that the school is supposed to do all the work when it’s our job as parents to teach and rear our kids. So on days like today, I try not to worry. Worry that I’ve made the wrong choice…worry that she won’t be cared for…worried that she’ll forget all the things I’ve talked to her about. Because I KNOW that God has her covered. I KNOW that He is there to watch her and protect her from all hurt, harm, or danger; and I KNOW that my prayers are not only heard, but they WORK.
So again, it’s not that I don’t think she’s ready. It’s not that I don’t think she can manage. She’s a smart girl; she knows right from wrong, and her future is so bright. I’m brought to tears every time I think about how God thought me worthy enough to give me such a precious gift. I just hate seeing time move so quickly.
This morning, I didn’t cry…I just held her tighter; squeezed her little hand for bit longer as we approached the building, and simply reminded her of the gift she is.
I look forward to watching her learn, grown, and mature as the days go on. And I pray God will grant me the strength it will take to handle each stage that comes!
Father God, in the Name of Jesus~
I lift Zerah Lynn up to You! I ask for Your full protection over her each and every day that she enters that school, Lord. Dispatch Your angels, God, to watch over her all day long. I pray no weapon formed against her will prosper and that You will cause her to be the shining light in her classroom! May she be the model student and the example of excellence, Lord, as she walks in the purpose You have for her life!
God, I thank You for her teacher. I thank You that You handpicked this woman to be an influential educator in Zerah’s life! I ask that You grace this woman with everything she needs to be able to treat each child as the special individual they are, Lord. I especially pray that if nothing else, Lord, she sees Zerah the same way You do, God. I ask that she partner with us in nurturing the unique gifts inside Zerah and that she would never be a hindrance in Zerah’s growth—spiritually or naturally. Lord, use this teacher to instill godly values into the youth and may she go above and beyond to do her job. I pray that Zerah will learn at a higher level and be a help to her classmates in times of need. Lord, I ask that You give Zerah friends who will not negatively influence her, God, but true friends. Let them be kind, positive, and on the same page.
Lord God, I thank You that Zerah will walk in supernatural favor every day of her life! I thank You that the adults around her may not even know why they have to make sure she’s taken care of—but it’ll be something on the inside of them that says—we have to look out for this one! God, You loaned Zerah to us, and we thank You for the gift that she is. Continue to equip us, as her parents, with everything we need to ensure that she fulfill the destiny You have preordained for her life.
God, I thank You. I thank You that she is set apart and that You have more than a plan for her life—You have a purpose! Even at this age, Lord, speak to Zerah—allow her to hear You voice, Lord, especially in moments of decision-making. Be that ever-present still-small voice in her heart, Lord, and direct her every step.
It is in the matchless name of Jesus that I pray, Amen!!!